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Welcome to our adult relationships humor, funny articles and sex jokes!
Understanding the differences on how men and women regard sex, relationships, dating and yes, even the allmighty, yet enigmatic penis can be very tricky. We hope you gain some insight into what that penis is all about. It's really not that "hard"... Gak! Um, hard? Get it? *silence*
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One fine day God All Mighty himself came to Adam for a brief discussion. "I've got some good news and some bad news." God said. Adam looked thoughtfully at his maker and replied, "Please give me the good news first."
Smiling, God explained, "I've created two new organs for you. One is called a brain. This organ will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things, and carry on productive conversations with Eve. The other organ is called a penis. It will allow you to reproduce your intelligent life form and begin populating the planet. Eve will be very pleased that you are now equipped with this organ as she will be able to conceive children."
Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great and wonderful gifts you have given me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?" God then looked upon Adam, and said with great sorrow, "The bad news is I only gave you enough blood to operate one of these organs at a time."
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PENIS aka main member ; super snake ; mister pp head ; etc
Main Entry: pe·nis
Pronunciation:
'pE-n&s
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s):
plural pe·nes 'pE-(")nEz/; or
pe·nis·es
Etymology: Latin, penis, tail; akin to Old High German
faselt penis, Greek peos
Definition: a male organ of copulation
that in male mammals including humans usually functions as the channel by which
urine leaves the body.
Supplement: Woman's next best friend when feline or super toy not available
Penis Facts and Statistics
- The average erect penis is six inches in length, although flaccid measurements vary considerably.
- Odors that increase blood flow to the penis: lavender, licorice, chocolate, doughnuts, pumpkin pie. This may just be the
real reason that women love chocolate.
- The largest penis in the animal kingdom belongs to the mighty blue whale. He is no less than 11 feet of fully functional hot
whale action.
- Men say the average erect penis is ten inches. Women say it's four inches. But what about girth, people? What about
girth?
- Among the Mangaians of Polynesia, 18-year-old couples make love an average of three times a night, every night, until
their 30s, when the weekly average drops to a mere 14. (And then when they turn 40, their penises fall off. This is why it's
all about quality, not quantity.)
The physical event of ejaculation (semen being pumped out of the penis) does not necessarily coincide with an orgasm (the pleasurable sensation of climax caused by a chemical response in the brain). It's possible for a man to ejaculate and not even have an orgasm. The reverse is also true; a man can have an orgasm without ejaculating.
Penile Stupidity
A Kansas man checked into an emergency room with his erect penis stuck through a barbell plate. Apparently, the
gentleman wondered if his member would fit through the weight's hole, but once it was in, he couldn't get it out. After 12
hours of attempting to cut the plate, a urologist freed him by draining blood from the penis.
Penis Related Slang Terms
ErectBicycle, Big Ben, bone, boner, chubby (erect or
half-erect), dick, Eiffel Tower, hard-on, johnson, joystick, leaning tower of
Pisa, love muscle, purple veined clarinet, purple fist, purple katana,
presidential staff, putz, rod, schmuck, skin flute, stick, stiffy, wood, woody.
Flaccid or ErectArrow, bishop in a
turtleneck, blue-veined microphone, chode, Clyde, cock, crank, cunt poker, dick,
dong, egg roll, fireman, hog or hawg, jimmy, johnson, john-thomas, knob, lad
(Irish), love snake, manhood, manmeat, manroot, meat, (male) member, mushroom
cap, old fellow, one-eyed monster, one-eyed snake, (male) organ, pecker, Pedro,
Peter, Percy, plum (of the head only), pork hammer, pork sword, prick,
purple-headed mountain, rod, salami, sausage, scepter, schlong, shaft, snopp,
Stanley (the power tool), talliwhacker, todger, tool, trouser snake, trouser
trout, unit, Vienna sausage, wang, warrior of love, wiener, willie, yogurt
slinger ...
TesticlesBalls, bollocks, cajones, crown jewels,
cods, eggs, family jewels, guavas, klackers, knackers, nads, nuts, plums, tackle.
Also, "plum smuggling" a colloquial term used to describe a male wearing
overly tight undergarments, allowing the penis and/or testicles to be
seen in outline.
Penis and testicles
Note: (some words in this section may also be used more specifically to mean just
the penis or just the testicles; usage varies)- Big Ben, crown jewels, Eiffel Tower, family
jewels, frank 'n beans, lunchbox (UK, particularly used for male athletes), meat
and two veg, one eyed trouser snake, package, twig and berries, wedding tackle.
"See, the problem is that God gives men both a brain and a penis, and only enough blood flow to run one at a time." - Robin Williams
"Man with penis in peanut butter, fucking nuts." - Confucious
The Mighty Penis that can Sell!
Commercialized Penises
The Thins Penis: Cos it's not as thick as some
The Magnum Penis: Can you remember your first one?
The Nicole Kidman Penis: To Die For
The Minties Penis: It's moments like these you need...
The Wrigley's Extra Penis: Flavour that lasts and lasts
The Canon Penis: Now you can
The St George Penis: You know where you stand
The Saab Penis: Beyond the conventional
The Sorbent Penis: Thicker and softer
The digital Penis: Whatever it takes
The Hyundai Penis: All day every day
The Peugot Penis: Engineered to be enjoyed
The Pantene Penis: It won't happen overnight, but it will happen.
The M&M Penis: Melts in your mouth, not in your hand
The Flake Penis: It crumbles and melts in your mouth
The Hungry Jack's Penis: Ooh I love a whopper
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The Olympic Penis: ...and the winner is...
The Twisties Penis: Life's never straight without...
The CC's Penis: Can't say no...
The Just Juice Penis: Just squeeze.
The Woolworths Penis: The fresh food penis.
The Tribble Penis: Everyone wants one.
The Yellow Pages Penis: Let your penis do the walking.
The Sprite Penis: Obey your thirst.
The Hobbit Penis: There and back again.
The Hugh Grant penis: It's just Devine!
The Tolkein penis: Lord of the Rings
The VB Penis: Cos a hard earned thirst needs a big cold...
The Terminator Penis: This time it's personal.
The Space Balls Penis: I see that your schwartz is as big as mine
The Star Wars Penis: Feel the force.
The Raine and Horne Penis: We'll come to you!
The L J Hooker Penis: Nobody does it better.
The Ten Capital News Penis: More people turn us on.
The Toyota Penis: Oh what a feeling
The Mitsubishi Penis: Prease Consider
The BMW Penis: Sheer driving pleasure
The Macintosh Penis: "The power to be your best"
The Optus Penis: "yes"
The Forrest Gump Penis: You never know what you're gonna get.
The Steve Erkel Penis: Did i do that?
The Pizza Hut Penis: Available in both thick and thin.
The Macintosh Penis: All the internal workings are kept hidden. Just
click.
Even More Cocky Dick Related Analogies
The Linux Penis: Always upgradable.
The Pentuim Penis: It gives a different result every time.
The CD Penis: Looks pretty in sunlight.
The Transformer Penis: More than meets the eye
The Madam Penis: Won't stay on at parties.
The Kryten Penis: Multi-functional groinal socket...
The (circumsised) KFC penis: spicy & skin free...
The Nemo Penis: Lots of hair....
The Blitzen Penis: It keeps going up and down...
The Rudolf Penis: With a glowing red end.
The Lucs Penis. You don't have to suck. It does it for you.
The ISCA Penis: m or f?
The Spinnaker Penis: Always down when you need it.
The Coke Penis: Always the real thing.
The Far Side Penis: Do you need a reason? :)
The Snickers Penis: Always satisfies.
The Microsoft Penis: Who do you want to blow today?
The Raid Penis: Kills bugs dead.
The Excedrin Penis: It's tthhhhiiiiiiissss big.
The Life Call Penis: It's fallen and it can't get up.
The American Express Penis: Don't leave home without it.
The Tootsie Roll Pop Penis: How many licks DOES it take...?
The Kix Penis: Kid tested, mother approved.
The Nintendo Penis: Now you're playing with power.
The Ruffles Penis: Bet you can't eat just one.
The Roll-Ups Penis: Some kids like their fruit real flat.
The NRMA Penis: For H-E-L-P.
The Libra Penis: Now with wings
The Gilette Penis: The Best a man can get.
The Daewoo Penis: There's nothing you can't do...
The Birch Carroll and Coyle/Hoyts Penis: You want it? You got it!
The BHP Penis: The big Australian
The Lipton's Penis: Everybody's jiggling...
The Adobe Penis: It's everything you imagine.
The Texas Instruments Penis: Extending your reach.
The Hoyts Penis: You can make it BIG in the movies.
The Pioneer Penis: The art of entertainment.
The Advanced Hair Studios Penis: Yeah, Yeah
The Critters II Penis: They'll get you in the end.
The Microsof Penis: Where does it want to go today ??
The VISA Penis: It's everywhere you want to be.
The Snappy Tom Penis: The cats of Australia have made thier choice
The Colgate penis: It really DOES get in.
The MacPenis: mmMmmmMMmm it's Mac time
The Hungry Jack's Penis: have it your way!
Red Rooster Penis: Are you red-red-ready?
The Praise Penis: Nothing tastes creamier!
The RAAF Penis: Reach for the sky!
The Schwarzenegger Penis: It'll be back
The ARL (Australian Rugby League) Penis: Simply the best
The Cheap Hollywood Penis: Free Willy
The Julius Caesar Penis: Vidi, vici, veni. (I saw, I conquered, I came)
The Doors Plus Penis: We fit, stain, and deliver.
The HitchHiker's Penis: Don't panic!
The Fly Buys Penis: The more you buy, the more you...
The Smoo Penis: Always lookin' good
The Madam Penis2: Who needs jeans?
The Napisan Penis: Whiter than white... Can you take the Napisan
challenge?
The Private Bin Penis: Go hard or go home!
The Energizer Penis: Just keeps going and going and going
The Domino's Pizza Penis: Fresh and hot and always great!
or: I've got the hots for what's in the box with the
dots...
The Pizza Hut Penis: Comes in 30 minutes or it's free
The Transformers Penis: More than meets the eye!
The Ewok Penis: Furry but loveable
The Jean Luc Picard Penis: .....Engage!
The Monty Python Penis: And now for something completely different!
The Queensland Penis: Beautiful one day, perfect the next!
The Star Trek Penis: To boldly go where no one has gone before
The CSR White Sugar Penis: Australia's finest... 100% natural.
The Cadbury's Penis: A glass and a half of full cream...
The Kraft Singles Penis: 900mL in every one...
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